You Can’t Fix Stupid…Unless There’s Free Margs?


There are so many mineral and royalty scams out there I cannot even begin to count them. A lot of legitimate mineral and royalty buying companies deliberately target seniors, people with disabilities, or people that have fallen on hard times. They try to use the “we are trying to help people” angle, but they always fail the smell test. That shit pisses me off. I understand the business, downplay the asset as much as possible to get a lower price. That works unless you have someone respectable on the other side. Unfortunately most of the sellers in that market do not have proper representation. Attorneys are great when you want to file a lawsuit, but they are not your best avenue to sell something. Unless they really understand the industry and market they are trying to participate in, attorneys are going to drive away potential offers with additional stipulations, restrictions, or excessive delays. The majority of the “shady” groups in the mineral/royalty market will avoid attorneys at all cost.

I will admit, I have sold mineral assets for clients that I strongly disagreed with (due to their immediacy for selling), but have proceeded with the sale due to their insistence, despite my objections. That admission is not intended to absolve me of all guilt that I have with the mineral/royalty purchasing industry, I am simply letting you know that I have been a part of it. Setting aside your personal convictions about something is hard to do…but getting a check for it makes things easier. That’s a slippery slope. Regardless of my involvement, there are more sophisticated predators out there. A few years ago I went to an “information session” with an old friend of mine that is an oil and gas attorney. He told me that he had signed up for the deal with a +1 and it was free margaritas and fajitas for anyone that attended. The event was at some Mexican food restaurant in the middle of fucking nowhere (seriously, I work in the middle of nowhere so for me to say that, this place was out in the boonies), but hell it’s free margaritas right?!? The second we walked into the “private” room, we knew it was not going to be the type of informational session we had imagined…

Segway Tour…wow, really pulling out all the stops on that one

There were tables pushed together to create one long table on one side of the room, with a projector screen set up on a stand at the other side of the room, the projector set up in front of it along with a microphone and some speakers. Professional AV setup, instant street cred…except that my brother in law has that same equipment in his garage, so whatever. Every. Single. “Speaker” Was from Morgan Stanley. Speaker is in air quotes because they were selling their product(s). They either actively worked for Morgan Stanley, or had previously (recently) worked there. This organization has the worst website I have ever fucking seen. They call themselves “North American Royalty Owners” and would love to send LandmanLife a C&D letter for publishing the ongoings of their “private event.” Well, fuck them. Google the acronym if you want to see a website that anyone could have designed by literally writing the HTML code in their middle school computer class. Worst website I have ever seen for an “organization.” LandmanLife is more official than those jakelegs. We at least have koozies and stickers. All they have is a bullshit “certification” that is only acknowledged by (guess what) THEIR OWN ORGANIZATION.

Back in the day there was a guy that wrote here under the pseudonym TitleNazi and he was extremely critical of OEC (Orange Energy Consultants) who sent me a C&D email (LandmanLife has about 6 attorneys on retainer, they all laughed at the request to take that story down), and the AAPL (nobody cares, because…yeah). While I hope he will join us again, I have to take up that same stance against NARO. That information session would have led me into all kinds of worthless investments with extremely low (or negative) returns, but their keynote speaker was a MINERAL MANAGER. She “worked as a landman” and “knew how to speak their language to maximize your returns.” All she asked for in return was 8-10% of all revenue generated from your bonuses, royalties, or potential sales of mineral assets. In return for that she was going to need to be your financial advisor, in addition to managing your mineral assets. Your checks would all go to her, and she would then take care of investing/divesting your money. Don’t worry, her daddy has his financial planning license and sponsors her, so she’s not violating any SEC laws. Seems like a conflict of interest to me, but the morons at that information session thought I was the asshole for poking holes in her resume. Figures. I had a hard time not laughing, but in the end…Who’s the guy that says “you can’t fix stupid?”

Who the fuck would sign up for that? People. 

Unfortunately.

You can’t fix stupid.

Also, the Mexican food was shit.

The margs at least had booze in them.